Is it still me who makes you sweat?

love; it burns like a thousand suns with me at the center.

Pre-tattoo and agony. Hopefully the oc will numb my ankle bone while it gets drilled away on. Never thought I’d be so happy to return to minnesota, thank god I’m on my way back tomorrow. Its funny how one fucking freak can ruin everything; luckily the cool people outweigh all that BS!

I have quite the collection to my name. Cid? Why not. Vicodin? Of course Oxy? Indeed Opium? The sweetest flower to put you down Mushrooms? Fancy a taste of the amazon? Rolls? They’ll make you melt in my hand Marijuana. Always. It just keeps growing. I never have an opportunity to truly be bored; I can revive any party. I call myself little miss murder, and I’m here to take your order ;) Oh, state fair and michigan tomorrow. Big party on saturday for my return and finishing up my tattoo. And the mason jars just..keep..coming :D

When everything hurts this bad? It doesn’t. It fucking doesn’t. I’m meant to suffer and pay for god knows how fucking long. Because my best friend decided I deserved this. This is how I should be handled, this is how I should be gotten rid of. Right now I want to just stop breathing. Went to a rave tonight. Didn’t find rolls until the end. Boiught acid but lost it. Have opium. Anything to forget who we were, its easy for you, because you have her. Must be nice. Must be.

I nailed the hottest guy I’ve ever seen. and he’s comin back for mooooore! BAHA! I now have part two of an insanely beautiful downtown duo. It helps that he actually knows how to scrap too, you know, in case shit goes down lol.

Hung out with a few old friends yesterday. Heard some things to make my heart smart a bit. How many months has it been? How many weeks? Days? Hours? Minutes? Seconds??? A lifetime..

I keep getting beat up being run through things. So many of these things are to teach me lessons. Patience. Optimism. Courage. Independence. Tenacity. I just hate them all. It’d be so much easier to just hide in bed, but its time to move on. He has. Its time to bury all evidence, no need to reminisce.

I’d never be foolish enough to jump into a relationship right now. I’m not ready. I’m gritting my teeth and pushing through, I dont need anybody. I have to remind myself that every situation I am in is because I’ve put myself there. In some way or another, I have. I’m dreading a single fall and winter. Empty holidays. But thats totally the wrong way to look at it, I know. I dont need another person to tell me who I am. I can get any of the creature comforts I need, sex, lust, kisses, hugs, cuddles, I’m not missing out on any of that. Everyone is missing out on my heart; but she belongs to me.. she’ll never be yours.

He couldn’t have known. No, there’s no way anybody, not even myself, could have known what would happen. My eyes devoured him. The creature inside me gave a hungry little growl. Like a slumbering dragon trailing smoke my insides started to come alive. And then he was upon me, raining trails of fire down my throat and shoulders. The beast roars: oh she’s not sleeping any longer. My air is stolen, my head spins and I’m falling, falling, falling, out of love and straight into lust. I’ve lost control, and it feels good. She takes control, I taste smoke. The monster wants to play and she’s well trained. She fights fire with fire, she’ll meet any challenge with a deadly sweet smile. No, he didn’t know what he was in for. Soon he would be utterly spent, with nothing more than fire bitten lips and a never ending desire to dance with flames again.

guess even armin van buuren knows what an asshole you are..

You used to light up the dark

With your unrelenting spark

It always put a fire in me

You used to say I’m the one

The only ray of sun you could touch without a fear of burning

Well you used to try to please me

Yea you used to try to please me

Well it aint over til its over

And my world shuts down

But this comes close, I’ll have you know

Its just a matter of time

But it aint over til its over

But I wont be made a fool

Cause leaving me the way you did was just so..

Unforgivable

Well then you tell her now

While you hold her in your arms

Are you pretending shes me??

Just how low will you go when

Before you realize you know shes the one

But you’re going to use her anyway

You just got there now you’re leaving

You just got there now you’re leaving

Well it aint over til its over

And my world shuts down

But this comes close, I’ll have you know

Its just a matter of time

But it aint over til its over

But I wont be made a fool

Cause leaving me the way you did was just so..

Unforgiveable.